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Get Sex-Smart

Are you looking to improve your sex life and relationships and explore your sexuality? With compassion and humor, Get Sex-Smart offers expert, sex-positive education and practical relationship advice. For questions or to suggest a topic, email getsexsmart@gmail.com (your information will be kept confidential). Hosted by Dr. Valeria Chuba, sexologist and sex educator.
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Aug 15, 2019

In this Q&A episode (the first ever on Get Sex-Smart!), Valeria and Sarah are answering your sex and relationship questions. Here's a timeline, should you like to jump to a specific one: 

3:12 How do I figure out what my partner's fetish is?

9:10 My significant other wants to have the passwords for my phone and computer. Do I share my passwords or not?

15:30 My boyfriend insists on anal sex, but I don't want to have anal. What should I do?

27:05 Are dating apps ruining dating and relationships?

 

Aug 9, 2019

Get Sex-Smart is back! After a few months' hiatus, Valeria and Sarah have returned with a new format, new ideas, and new sex-smart episodes! Tune into this short announcement episode to hear why we took some time off, what we've been up to, and how Get Sex-Smart is changing - hopefully for the better. And make sure to tune in on August 15th when our new season will return full force!

Mar 7, 2019

Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin are celebrating the past 99 episodes of Get Sex-Smart. In this more informal and intimate episode, we talk about how the show got started, what we love about it and maybe not so much, our favorite episodes, some personal stories - and a few rounds of a sex-themed game of "Would You Rather". 

Jan 10, 2019

Get Sex-Smart is back after a holiday break! Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin talk about five ways to spice up and add fun and new levels of pleasure and intimacy to a relationship that has gotten a bit predictable and stale. Ideas include touch games, playacting fantasy scenarios, and much more! 

Nov 30, 2018

Recent studies show that there is a big orgasm gap between men in women: roughly 65% of heterosexual women orgasm in partner sex, compared to an overwhelming 95% of heterosexual men. What's really interesting though is that lesbian women's orgasm rates are very close to those of heterosexual men at 85%. On today's episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about some of the reasons why orgasm rates are so much higher in lesbian women, and what contributes to their superior sexual satisfaction compared to heterosexual women. 

EPISODE NOTES:

Guardian article, "Do Lesbians Have Better Sex Than Straight Women?" https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/09/do-lesbians-have-better-sex-than-straight-women

Oct 26, 2018

Breakups are often painful, heartbreaking, and difficult to navigate. In this episode, Sarah Martin shares her recent personal experience of breakup and chats with Dr. Valeria about the newest science of breakups; why we are often so bad at breaking up; and what we can do to reduce the pain of ending our relationships. 

EPISODE NOTES:
Break up as a signifiant stress event, and "broken heart" syndrome: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/can-you-die-broken-heart-science-proves-broken-heart-syndrome-ncna847831

Sep 28, 2018

In contrast to popular opinion, low libido and decreased sexual desire in men are actually very common. Many men struggle with the effects that loss of libido has on their self-esteem and relationships. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about the causes of low libido in men, how it affects men, and what can help. 

Sep 14, 2018

In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin break down the groundbreaking concept of arousal non-concordance. Simply put, our physical (genital) arousal doesn't always match our psychological arousal. This dramatically changes the way we view sexual desire, pleasure and consent. Tune in to learn why arousal non-concordance is important, and how it can change your sex life.  

EPISODE NOTES:

Emily Nagoski's Ted Talk, "The Truth About Unwanted Arousal" (a must wath!) https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_truth_about_unwanted_arousal?language=en

Sep 6, 2018

Get Sex-Smart is back from the summer break! In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin chat about high libido women. Conventional thinking tells us that men tend to be more interested in sex than women and that women with high libidos are rare. But how true is that? And, while many men say that they would love for their female partner to be more sexually assertive, what actually happens when a woman wants sex more than her male partner? We answer these questions and more in this episode. 

EPISODE NOTES:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://amzn.to/2PGjmbA

 

Jul 19, 2018

One of the questions we get asked most often is how much sex it's "normal" to have. Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin answer the question of what is normal sexual frequency. We also share our tips on how to tell whether you're having the right amount of sex; why you may not be satisfied about your sexual frequency; and how to be more satisfied with the amount of sex you're having. 

Jul 5, 2018

In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a look at the concept of "sexual scarcity" or lack of sex, and the idea of the right to sex (or as some would call it, sexual entitlement). Tune in to find out how the sexual scarcity mindset affects our intimate relationships and sexual satisfaction, and how we can positively address the real feelings of frustration, sexual shame and disconnect that are the driving force behind this mindset. 

EPISODE NOTES:

Amia Srinivasan's essay in London Review of Books: https://www.lrb.co.uk/v40/n06/amia-srinivasan/does-anyone-have-the-right-to-sex

Jun 29, 2018

Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin are sharing their expert tips that will help take your masturbation practice from merely good to amazing. But that's not all! In today's fun bonus feature, Dr. Valeria and Sarah play a rousing round of sexual "Would You Rather" - with pretty hilarious and unexpected results. Make sure to stick around after the main discussion of masturbation is wrapped up, both to learn a fun and sexy game and to get up close and personal with your podcast hosts!

If you want to jump directly to the fun bonus content, it starts around the 40 minute mark. 

EPISODE NOTES:

Sarah's featured interviews:

BBC World https://www.bbc.com/news/world-44041947

The Guardian https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/19/multiple-orgasm-clitoris-science-research

Dr. Valeria's featured print and video interview in Psychotherapy Networker: https://psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/1159/silent-and-confused/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000

Dr. Valeria's article in Business Insider: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-men-react-to-sexual-harassment-claims-according-to-intimacy-coach-2017-11

 

Jun 14, 2018

In today's episode, Dr. Valeria is interviewing therapist, researcher, author and kink sex educator Galen Fous. Galen shares his 5 keys to exploring our personal kinks and to successfully integrating them into our sex lives. We also discuss sexual shame, the challenges of sexual incompatibility between partners, the need for more sexual and kink education for therapists, and more. An in-depth and fascinating interview!

EPISODE NOTES:

Galen Fous' website: https://galenfous.com/

Personal Erotic Myth survey: https://galenfous.com/pem/

Galen's book, Decoding Your Kink: https://www.amazon.com/Decoding-Your-Kink-Explore-Wildest-ebook/dp/B017CKIIAE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528996097&sr=8-1&keywords=galen+fous

 

 

 

May 31, 2018

When it comes to sex, most of us have a past, along with some secrets and information that we keep private. But with relationships comes an expectation of sharing. So, what exactly should you be sharing with your partners, and how much? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what is reasonable to keep to yourself and what should be revealed in sexual relationships. Specifically, they discuss what to reveal and what to keep private about your sexual health; sexual history, number of partners, and past sexual behavior; history of infidelity and expectations of monogamy; masturbation and porn viewing habits; sexual fantasies; and past sexual trauma and abuse. 

 
May 10, 2018

Unsolicited "dick pics" have become ubiquitous in popular culture. Pretty much any woman who tries online dating inevitably ends up receiving her share of unwanted images of men's genitalia. So, why are men so keen on sharing photos of their penises with unsuspecting women? In this episode of the Get Sex-Smart podcast, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the most common reasons why men like to send dick pics, and the pros and cons of doing so in dating situations.

EPISODE NOTES

https://www.refinery29.com/why-men-send-nude-dick-pictures

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/los-angeles/we-sent-a-preemptive-v-pic-before-dudes-could-send-dick-pics-heres-what-happened

http://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/30873/1/the-woman-turning-unsolicited-dick-pics-into-art

 

 

Apr 28, 2018

Many dating experts specializing in heterosexual relationships believe that women should make men wait before having sex for the first time. Some believe that withholding sex creates a challenge so many men crave and increases a woman's value; others say that securing a commitment from a man before rewarding him with sex leads to a more secure relationship. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take on this type of dating advice; discuss what possible consequences it may have for these couples' sex lives; and give their own view of how first time sex should be handled in new relationships. 

EPISODE NOTES:

Ted Talk by Al Vernacchio, "Sex Needs a New Metaphor" https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one

Apr 19, 2018

Having an active sex life with our partners often has a positive effect on our relationships. But did you know that having sex can help you perform better at work? In a recent study published in the Journal of Management, researchers found that when employees had sex at home, they reported feeling good at work the next day, as well as feeling more engaged and performing better. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a closer look at the study and discuss its potential for improving both our work lives and our sex lives. 

EPISODE NOTES:

From the Bedroom to the Office study: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0149206317698022?journalCode=joma

Swedish sex leave for workers story: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/world/europe/sweden-sex-leave-town.html

 

Apr 12, 2018

Sex-positive comprehensive sex education is rare in many places in the world, including the United States. For those of us trying to have sexual relationships, this means just doing our best and hoping it works. Unfortunately, our best often comes from porn, which was never designed to be an accurate representation of what sex actually looks like. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about seven types of sex "moves" or behaviors, many of which men learn from porn, which end up turning women off in a big way and getting those guys "banned".  

 

Mar 29, 2018

This year marks the 20th anniversary of Viagra, an erectile dysfunction drug that revolutionized the pharmaceutical industry and changed our sex lives forever. But is Viagra actually good for our sex lives? The answers may surprise you. Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the positive and negative sides of Viagra, and share their ideas on how to incorporate Viagra into your sex life for maximum benefit. 

Mar 15, 2018

Surrogate partner therapy isn't very well known to the general public, aside from receiving the Hollywood treatment in the movie "The Sessions". In truth, surrogate partner therapy can be an extremely effective and powerful healing modality for people suffering from a variety of relationship, intimacy and sexuality challenges. In this episode, Dr. Valeria interviews Andrew Heartman, IPSA certified surrogate partner, about what surrogate partner therapy really is about and how it can help us improve our sex lives. 

EPISODE NOTES:

IPSA: http://www.surrogatetherapy.org/

Andrew Heartman's website: http://surrogatepartner.us/  

Human Awareness Institute: https://www1.hai.org/

This Is Life with Lisa Ling (CNN series), Episode "Sexual Healing" (Season 4, Episode 1) https://www.cnn.com/shows/this-is-life-with-lisa-ling

 

Mar 8, 2018

Infidelity is one of the most painful, divisive and contested relationship topics out there. With high rates of self-reported cheating, it is a very real problem that affects a lot of people. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss eight common reasons why people cheat (according to a new study); why these reasons are so common; and how we can navigate the complex world of relationships to better deal with the threat of infidelity.

EPISODE NOTES:

8 Main Reasons Why People Cheat (article): https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/16/these-are-the-8-main-reasons-people-cheat

 

Feb 23, 2018

Many of us go through extended periods of time without partner sex for a variety of reasons: getting over a breakup, a personal loss, or just having a hard time meeting the right person. When we do meet someone we want to have sex with, getting back in that proverbial saddle can feel very stressful and anxiety-provoking. In this episode, Dr. Valeria shares five keys to feeling less anxious and more confident about having sex again after a long time without a partner. 

Feb 15, 2018

It seems like every week now there is a new and exciting discovery happening in the field of sexuality. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the five most recent sex-related innovations that are promising to be helpful, interesting, and even a bit controversial. The innovations include a new online STI testing app; a streaming-based online sex ed school; an invention that aims to normalize sexual desire by applying electro-stimulation to the brain; and two groundbreaking sex toys. 

EPISODE NOTES:

Biem, STI testing app: http://biemteam.com

O.school: https://www.o.school

BrainStim by Liberos: https://liberoscenter.com/brainstim-2/ 

Eva II, hands-free vibrator: https://www.dameproducts.com/products/eva

b-Vibe rimming plug: https://www.bvibe.com/vibrating-anal-toys/rimming-plug-2.html

 

 

 

Feb 1, 2018

Microcheating is a term that has recently become popular on social media. It refers to a pattern of seemingly small behaviors that indicate that your partner may be excessively focused on someone else (emotionally or physically). But is microcheating really a thing that we should be concerned about? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin share their opinions on microcheating, its validity, and what it may mean for our intimate relationships. 

Jan 18, 2018

Get Sex-Smart is back after a holiday break, and in this first episode of the new year Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin say goodbye to 2017 with a list of their favorite sex-related scientific discoveries and events that took place last year. They also share their favorite Get Sex-Smart episodes of 2017 and offer tips on making successful sexual resolutions for the New Year.  

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